New Day.

Funny how things can change, sometimes in moments. Someone has rightly said, after every dark night is a bright day. After every rain is a day of glorius sunshine. Few hours ago i was depressed, talking about death and going away. Leaving all these beautiful things behind. Right now as i sit and write this those thoughts dont even come within 10 mile radius of me. Right now i want to go out and take on the whole world. I am ready for a fight and whoop anybodys arse who stands in my way. What happened between then and now ? God knows and who cares.... i love this feeling and want it to stay forever. I am living this moment and living it on a high.
But i also know that after this high will be low again. Isnt that the way this is supposed to be ? A series of highs and lows, ups and downs, success and faliure..... and then a calm. As if the all the high and low tides have stood still. The stillness portrays a sense of calm but the reality is far from it. The stillness is just that, a stillness, no movement what so ever.. No ups, no downs, no highs , no lows and definitely no success or failures..
I know the day i lie still, everything else will cease to exist for me. There wont be any failure, any down point or any low. But do i want to be still ? No, i wanna live. Wanna succeed, wanna fail, wanna hit the highs and the lows. I want to see the sunshine of tomorrow and i will. Will wake up to experience a glorius new day and bigger dreams...

Me.

I was never like this. i was always someone who cared. cared about people more than i cared about myself. I never thought twice about doing something for someone or lending a helping hand to someone. i was someone who always had a smile on my face, a kind word on my lips for everyone. didnt matter if i knew the person or no. I loved to joke, play pranks loved to have a hearty laugh.
But its not the same anymore. I dont laugh, dont even smile. I might help someone in distress but it doesnt give me the happiness it used to. Somebody smiles at me and i dont know how to react anymore. Sure i smile back but it takes a hell lot of effort for me to smile and i dont know whether i want to put in that effort anymore. I used to feel like a winner. Now i dont wanna play. Still not scared of losing (afterall what can a man who doesnt have anything lose) just dont know if i have the strength to play this game called life anymore. I am sitting online now. Friends, acquaitances and everybody keep sending IM's asking me to hangout with them, party with them. Live with them. But do i want to live ??? I dont know. Maybe i dont want to. Maybe the only way all this pain, misery and hurt will go away if i go away. but i am too scared to let all of this go away coz i want to live. I have dreams. Dreams of a better day, a better life a better me. If i go then all of those will also cease to exist. But those dreams are too beautiful to just let go. Is this weakness ? I used to think that my biggest strength was the power to dream. was i wrong ? i hope not. I always believed ( and still do) that the person who doesnt have any dreams is as good as dead. I dont wanna die. I cant be dead. Theres too much to lose in dying. I have a lifetime ahead of me filled with love, happiness and freedom. A life without dreams is incomplete. and i dont wanna live an incomplete life. I wanna dream and i want a chance to make my dreams come true. so please let me live, let me dream and let me fly. I promise no matter how high i fly i will always come back to the ground.

Zindagi... jisne mujhe hasna sikhaaya, rona sikhaaya
Ladna sikhaaya, aur ladkar jeetna sikhaaya,
Kabhi bahut hasaya, toh kabhi hadd se zaada rulaaya,
Par kabhi isne yeh nahi sikhaaya,
ke khud se kaise lada jaaye,
aur ladkar khud se kaise jeeta jaaye.
Kambakth zindagi ne humein kamzor banaya..
aaj ehsaas hua iss kamzori ka
jab saamna hua khud se khudi ka
naa kuch keh sake naa kuch kar sake
yeh muqabla tha hamara aur khudi ka
khudi ne na poochi humse raza hamari
shayad yeh thi ab saza hamari
jeene ke armaan dil mein dabaye
hum chal diye apna sar jhukaaye
na ladne ki takat na kuch bolne ka hausla
yeh hi tha muqabla hamara aur khudi ka...